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Performance [334] 14-Jun-2021 (Homemade)


Grace went live on IG late in the evening after a day of filming, her first live in more than two and a half months. She played around with the guitar part of the time and performed two songs. The first one was one she had written (more or less) beforhand, the other was improvised on the spot.

The first song “Avocado Toast” was not finished. She had more ideas for it: “I had this bridge idea for the song, but it was like three in the morning, and I couldn’t record it”. She sang what she could remember of the idea for the bridge (at 11:06 in the full video) and continued singing the song again in a slightly different way. She was very happy about it: “I am going to record this next weekend, I don’t care what anyone says, I am going to do this.” She sang the song again once more at 33:58 in the full video. (You can read more about her inspiration for the song on the song-page for the song”).

Music as a way to access and express her emotions
Grace talked about how music was a way for her to communicate emotions: “I leaned over to music because I don’t know how to really authentically talk about my emotions. I never grew up like that. I never grew up in a family where we would talk about feelings and stuff. But only 80% of my passion is releasing the gunk in my soul into music, the other part is sharing it and connecting with people, and I feel that lately I have been letting myself and you guys down career wise, because I want to let you in more on what I am actually saying , and why I wrote that song and what I am actually releasing.”

She talked about how, when she started out, she connected with people, and her music touched them because she was so unafraid and honest in what she was doing. But over the years she was dulled down by society and opinions and growing up in the spotlight, and “a lot of fucked up personal stuff” and it made here even worse with emotions. And she doesn’t want to be like that. She wants her audience to feel what she is feeling, she wants to bring that back.

And I wrote this song, by myself, after a really long night because – I was listening to this song that I had just written, and it was a rock song and I love rock, I love singing rock, but I felt like an inadequate artist. I was listening to the words, and it was the same angry themes going over and over again.”

”I feel like throughout my childhood and when you guys saw me and when I had the bob and I was so positive, I was like the golden child. It was sort of an unspoken pressure that was put on my shoulders – you’re OK and everything is OK. And all this chaos at the time was going around me, but I was the OK one. I knew even at the time that I am the ukulele girl with the bob that’s positive, and I was unbothered by all the shit that was going on around me, for some reason. It was like a flight or fight situation – I can’t do anything about this, so I am going to not feel it whatsoever, and live in positivity.”

And now I feel like I am getting older, and I am healing. It’s like a pimple. The white shit isn’t going to be absorbed into your blood, eventually it will have to come out and it’s going to be messy and sometimes even ugly and even gross, and I feel like right now, I am witnessing the white shit, this real unsolved anger, that keeps coming out in the way I express myself in my poetry and my music and alle the ways I am able to access my emotions. I feel like my inner child is angry. I feel like this new music is a glimpse into my really complicated healing process of all the stuff I have been through.”

”I am not angry, but a very small part of me that is very hard to access unless I am singing, is always unsatisfied, and she is so upset, and I don’t know why she is upset because I can only access her when I am singing”.

”And I am always seeing these Pinterest self-care boards and these TikTok videos about self-care and it’s like: ‘I was once so angry and depressed, then I started waking up at five in the morning and taking cold showers and doing meditation and yoga and get in shape and eating avocado-toasts and smoothies and ginger, and now I am cured’. I tried it, and it didn’t fucking work! That is what inspired this song."

Driving Through the Green Lagune
The second song was an improvisation inspired by a suggestion from a fan on the live “A song about someone tolerating your love” She was less happy with this one “We are going to forget like that ever happened.

Olivia Rodriquez, Billie Eilish and TikTok
Grace talked about how she loves Olivia Rodriquez and respects that she took the vacant spot as the star of gen Z. And she spoke against all the people wanting to put Billie down just because she is successful, especially on TikTok.

I don’t like TikTok. It was so fun until it wasn’t. And it was a like a hard stop when it wasn’t fun anymore. So, I just abandoned my account. It stressed me the fuck out. There is a really big difference between TikTok and Instagram. And its funny, because when I first went on TikTok, I hated Instagram and I thought I just needed TikTok, but it turns cold really fast.

Her Hollywood Stargirl costar Elijah Richardson was on the live for a while – and she found that a bit embarrassing.


Grace Vanderwaal - Vocals, guitar


The video effect (the filter) on the start of the video, was added by Grace in order to make her visible in the dark outside where she was when she started the live. She took the filter of after the first song and lit a candle. There were some issues with the sound due to unstable connection when she made the Live.
View Full Performance

1. Avocado Toast (provisional title) (first)
2. Driving through the Green Lagune (provisional title) About 6 minutes of improvisation. At 40:41 in the full video, which does not allow timestamps (first)

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Times Performed

Grace has performed: 10 times at this venue, 24 times in this city, 55 times in this state, 439 times in this country